The Ride Home
by lil Didi
Summary: A continuation of the episode Days Of Wrath. Heath and Nick escort Jarrod back to Stockton, but struggle to find a way to help their big brother.
1. Chapter 1

_The return journey to Stockton after the events in Days of Wrath must have been an interesting ride. If ever there was a moment for brotherly bonding, that would be it._

The Ride Home

Jarrod Barkley stood in the middle of the street, rage and pain clouding his vision. The pounding in his head was nothing when compared to the pounding in his chest. Despite that, his gun was steady in his hand, the barrel pointing steadily at his target.

"You're going to have to shoot through me to get to him Jarrod," his brother, Nick, said with a steely calm that neither man felt.

Jarrod's blue eyes were locked on Nick's hazel ones, and for the first time in days, Jarrod let the words sink in. Slowly, the seething rage began to fade. A few seconds seemed like an eternity, but Jarrod's gun slowly lowered and the tension lessened.

When Jarrod's eyes finally left Nick's, he didn't feel the stares of the people standing around them, didn't hear the exchange between the sheriff and his younger brother, Heath, when he asked if there were any charges against Jarrod, never saw the sheriff return the wad of money Jarrod had only minutes before given to him. As he slowly made his way down the street, he didn't hear the murmurs from the citizens of Rimfire. He heard nothing, saw nothing, as he forced one foot in front of the other. He wasn't sure where he was going, just that he had to get away. Away from the man that he had been consumed with finding for days, the man who had moments before admitted to murdering his wife. The man that had forced Jarrod down a road of all-consuming hatred and revenge to the exclusion of all else, including family.

The hammering in his chest had subsided, but he still felt the pounding of his head. He could feel his pulse beating in the crease of the scalp wound and his head felt like it was going to explode. The farther he went, the heavier his feet felt. When he finally did bother to look up, he saw the sign for the hotel and changed his course to enter the two-story building. He ignored the people around him, though most of them having witnessed the fight in the street, quickly scooted out of his way.

When he reached his room, he realized he still held his revolver loosely in his hand and he set it down on the chest of drawers absently, not even seeing that the gun was still cocked and ready. With heavy steps he moved to the bed and felt himself collapsing onto the soft mattress. It was mere seconds before the sleep he had denied himself for days claimed him and he allowed the darkness to swallow him.

_BVBVBVBVBV_

Out on the street, Heath Barkley watched the sheriff take Cass Hyatt away, not questioning where the wad of money that the sheriff had handed him had come from or what it had been for. He could guess the answer for himself and he didn't really want to dwell on it too closely. Instead, he stepped up to Nick and together they watched Jarrod make his way down the boardwalk as if he was in a daze. Heath could feel the tension still radiating from Nick, and perhaps a bit of anger, too, though Heath couldn't really say if it was anger at Cass Hyatt and his murderous ways, or at Jarrod for allowing the grief and rage to consume him to the point that he would hold his own brother at gunpoint.

Without a word, the two brothers followed Jarrod, not knowing where he was headed, just knowing that eventually their older brother would stop moving and at that point, he would need them. They stepped in unconscious unison as they trailed their brother into the hotel. A quick look at the wide-eyed clerk resulted in the young man holding up four fingers, indicating which room Jarrod was in. Their boots echoed on the stairs as the silent patrons watched. Both of them knew that the moment they were out of earshot there would be a scramble of voices as the rumors flew, but neither cared. All of their attention was focused on their older brother.

Nick stepped into the room first and stopped, his eyes locked on the bed. Heath had to step around his bigger brother to see, but unlike Nick, his eyes caught the sleeping form of his brother and continued on to take in the rest of the room. He saw the gun on the dresser and stepped to pick it up. As he released the cocked hammer, the sound echoing in the silent room causing Nick to glance over at him. Nick's dark eyes narrowed but he did not speak.

"Do you think I should go for the doc?" Heath asked softly. Neither brother had missed the bandaged head of their older brother and weren't sure how serious the wound was. Jarrod's breathing seemed steady and strong, but without knowing what the wound was or how it occurred, Heath wasn't sure if he wanted to chance it.

Nick stared at Jarrod for several moments before he ran a gloved hand down his tired face as he nodded. "Couldn't hurt," he replied.

Heath hesitated before he left, but when he saw Nick step closer to his brother and gently remove the sleeping man's boots, he knew the anger he sensed from his closest brother was gone, replaced by worry. With a nod to no one in particular, he knew the pair would be fine while he was gone. The same clerk that had given them Jarrod's room number, pointed the way to the doctor's office for Heath. It was only a few doors down from the hotel and Heath noticed that the street was back to normal, the people of Rimfire going about their business as if nothing had happened.

The doctor, a kindly old man who sat listening to Heath while cleaning his spectacles, nodded. He assured Heath that sleep was the best thing for Jarrod and that unless his wound was bleeding or if he fell into too deep of a sleep that they couldn't wake him from, there was nothing further to be done. At Heath's scowl, he promised to drop by the hotel later in the evening to check on Jarrod. He also gave Heath a bottle of headache powder, warning the blond cowboy that his brother was likely to have a headache when he woke up and for a few days after.

Realizing they wouldn't be leaving Rimfire in the near future, Heath made his way to the telegraph office to send a message to his worried mother. He also went down the street to find their horses and make sure they were squared away at the livery. When he returned to the hotel over an hour later, he made arrangements for a room for Nick and himself and finally made his way back to Jarrod's room.

When he stepped through the door, both men were asleep. Nick had removed Jarrod's boots and put a blanket over him before finding a moderately comfortable position in a chair next to the bed. His long legs were spread out in front of him, his head cocked to one side and propped up by his hand. The familiar sound of Nick's light snores gave Heath a somewhat comforting feeling. He settled himself in the other chair and soon found himself joining his brothers in sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The Ride Home

Part Two

Jarrod slept for a day and a half. When he finally came back to the world of the living, his first thought was that he wished he was still asleep. There was a steady throbbing in his head which made him grateful for the near darkness in the room. With a soft groan he rolled over and ran his hands down his face, giving a rub to his temples.

"Head hurt?"

Jarrod hesitated at the soft voice in the semi-darkness. He let his hand drop and nodded at the shadowed figure. "Yeah."

Gentle hands helped Jarrod into a sitting position and he felt a glass placed in his hands.

"Drink this."

Without protest, Jarrod drank the bitter but cool liquid. He was terribly thirsty and when he handed the glass back, he was about to ask for more, but the sudden increase in light as his brother turned up the lamp caused him to groan as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Sorry," Nick said when he saw his brother's grimace.

Jarrod gathered himself before he squinted up at his brother. "Got more of that awful water?"

Nick grunted as he re-filled the glass, this time forgoing the headache powder that the doctor had recommended. Watching as Jarrod drank the water and leaned back to rest against the wooden headboard with closed eyes, Nick took a seat in the chair next to the bed.

"Doc came by while you were out. Said you could go home as soon as you feel up to it."

Jarrod nodded without opening his eyes. "Where's Heath?"

When he didn't get a response, he opened his eyes to look at Nick.

Nick cleared his throat as his eyes flashed away from Jarrod and down to his lap. "He's, uh, down talking to the sheriff. About Hyatt."

Jarrod felt a surge of panic, but when Nick's eyes came back up to meet his, Nick held up a hand to stop what concerns Jarrod was going to voice.

"Heath is just making sure Hyatt gets sent back to Stockton. Wants to make sure the sheriff wired for some marshal's to come get him." Nick held Jarrod's eyes until the older man gave a slight nod and looked away. After a few moments of silence, Nick stood back up.

"You hungry?"

Jarrod nodded. "I could eat," he answered softly.

Nick moved toward the door and paused to look back at his brother. "Jarrod…" he began, but when words failed him he shook his head and pulled open the door. "I'll be back," he said over his shoulder before closing the door behind him.

Jarrod stared at the door for several minutes before moving. He knew what Nick needed from him, but wasn't sure he could give it just yet. His mind was still swimming with the events of the last few days and weeks. That fateful train ride home from Washington DC felt like it was months ago instead of just a few weeks. And yet, it was the start of this madness. How a man could go from being madly in love, to being mad with rage and pain so quickly was something he was also not yet ready to dwell on.

Jarrod sighed as he rose. He drank another glass of water before using what remained in the pitcher to wash up. He splashed the water over his face, patting it dry with a towel, ignoring the prickly beginnings of a beard. When he finished, he looked at his reflection in the mirror. What he saw caused him to look away just as quickly. He didn't recognize that man looking back.

He returned to the bed to put on his boots when the door opened once more. Jarrod looked up expecting to see Nick, but it was his younger brother, Heath that stepped in, carrying a bundle.

"Howdy, Jarrod," Heath said with a soft smile. "Glad to see you up and around."

Jarrod finished pulling on his boots and rose without speaking.

Heath's smile did not waiver. He held out the package he held. "Thought you could use a clean shirt. Found a hat, too. It's not the same as your old one, but the closest I could find. Not much of a choice around here, you know."

"Thanks," Jarrod said as he held the package. "Nick said you were talking to the sheriff."

The smile faltered but did not disappear altogether. "Yeah." Jarrod's eyebrow rose in question, causing Heath to shrug. "Just checking on some details is all."

"Of getting Hyatt back to Stockton?" Jarrod asked quietly, without emotion.

"Yeah."

"And?"

Heath watched his brother carefully before answering. "Couple of Marshall's out of San Francisco should be here by the end of the week to take him back. This sheriff seems to have things under control. No reason for us to stick around."

Jarrod nodded absently, looking away. "No, I suppose not," he whispered. He didn't really care at this point what happened to Cass Hyatt, just wanted the whole thing to be over and behind him. The problem was, he knew once the murderer was back in Stockton there would be a trial, at which point Jarrod would be forced to relive everything that had happened. With a shake of his head that was immediately followed by a wince, he let his mind go numb on the subject.

Heath shifted his feet, uncomfortable. He knew Nick wanted to leave as soon as possible, putting as much distance as possible between their brother and Cass Hyatt, not trusting that Jarrod wouldn't change his mind and go after the man again.

As if reading Heath's mind, Jarrod said. "We can leave at first light. I imagine Nick is getting rather impatient to be away."

"You know our brother, Jarrod. The man can't sit in one place too long." Heath couldn't help the small smile that came over his face at his own words, considering that Nick had spent the last two days glued to the chair next to Jarrod's bed.

Heath left to allow his brother to finish cleaning up and change his shirt. Jarrod let out a long sigh when the door closed. He was ready to be gone from this town, but there was a part of him that wasn't ready to go home yet, either. He needed time to sort out his mind, to process everything that had happened, but he didn't want to do it here, when that man was so close by. Perhaps the ride home would give him the chance he needed to settle his swirling thoughts.

_BVBVBVBVBV_

Jarrod's headache was back in force the next morning, but he ignored the throbbing pain as he stuffed his few belongings into his saddlebags. When he was finished, he poured himself another glass of water, downing the cool liquid in one go, ignoring the shaking of his hands that caused some of it to splash onto his shirt. He was wiping his mouth with his sleeve when there was a light knock on his door, which opened before he could reply.

Nick stepped into the dim light of the room, his eyes taking in his brother without a word.

Jarrod could feel his brother's eyes on him as he put on his gun belt. He grabbed his new hat, but didn't put it on, knowing the crease from Cass Hyatt's bullet was still a bit too tender to wear it.

"Heath is bringing the horses around. We have a few minutes, if you want to-"

"No, I'm ready," Jarrod interrupted his brother. He grabbed his saddle bags and stepped around his bigger brother, ignoring the roll of Nick's eyes, his only desire to leave this place. He didn't look back but knew that Nick was following as he made his way down the stairs and out into the early morning.

The brothers waited in silence on the boardwalk in front of the hotel. Jarrod could feel tension from his brother, but chose to ignore it, knowing it was left over from their argument the previous night. He squeezed his eyes shut as the throbbing pain increased at the memory.

They had sat together at dinner the previous night in much the same silence that persisted now. That is, until Nick brought up the subject of heading home. He had asked Heath earlier in the day to get the train schedule for westbound trains out of Bigby, the closest town with a depot. Jarrod had jumped in before Heath had a chance to reply.

"If it's all the same to you, Nick, I would rather ride."

"Ride? Jarrod it'll take us a week to get back!"

Jarrod had merely raised an eyebrow as his brother fumed.

"Jarrod, if we go up to Bigby we can catch a train and be home by Thursday."

"I'd rather ride," was all Jarrod said.

"Jarrod-" Nick started.

With a flash of steel blue eyes, Jarrod slammed his fist down on the table, causing his brothers to jump. "You want to get on the damn train, Nick, be my guest. I'm riding." With that he spun around and returned to his room, leaving his stunned brothers in his wake.

"You alright, Jarrod?" Nick asked, pulling Jarrod back to the present.

Jarrod didn't respond to the question as he rubbed his temples.

"Jarrod?"

"I'm fine, Nick, just a little headache."

Jarrod could feel his brother's eyes on him and let his hand drop. The sound of horses brought both of their attention to their younger brother, who was on his way up the street with their horses as well as a pack mule. When Heath pulled up, Jarrod put his saddlebags on his horse without a word, adjusted his cinch and mounted up. He shot his brother a look before he snapped, "You coming?"

Nick shot a glance back at his younger brother before he nodded and mounted his own horse. "Yeah," he said, "I'm coming."

_BVBVBVBVBV_

Two days into their journey home, Heath and Nick rode next to each other, each keeping a grim watch on their older brother riding ahead of them. Jarrod had spoken very little on the ride, responding when spoken to, but offering very little by way of real conversation. He had helped with camp chores, but he did it in a sort of trance, as if he was doing it out of habit rather than any real desire to be there. He hadn't been sleeping well and he had yet to shave, the scraggily beginnings of a beard giving his face a haunted look.

Heath heard Nick sigh and looked over at his brother.

"He looks exhausted," Heath said quietly.

"Yeah," Nick said. He watched his older brother for several minutes. "We could head north, toward Frye's Junction, pick up the train there."

"You think that's wise, Nick, considering what happened with Hyatt's brother? It isn't too late for him to press charges for that beating Jarrod gave him."

Nick shrugged. He was waging an inner war, wanting to protect his brother from anything else to do with Hyatt, but also wanting to get to his brother home and the sooner the better. Nick sighed again. He knew that Jarrod had his own way of dealing with what happened. And if Jarrod needed the time on the trail to get himself straight rather than being at home where his family could take care of him, then that's what they were going to do. But Nick didn't have to like it.

"Brothers," Nick mumbled as he kicked Coco into a faster trot to catch up to Jarrod. If he couldn't convince him to take a train home, then maybe he could at least convince him to stop a while for a much needed rest.

When he caught up to his older brother, Nick rode next to him for several minutes, trying to gauge the other man's mood. As usual, Jarrod gave nothing away, simply watching the trail in front of him, silent and brooding. Finally, Nick cleared his throat and said, "Jarrod, it's going to be dark soon. What do you say we find a nice spot to stop for the night?"

Jarrod turned empty eyes toward his brother. "Sure, Nick," he said. His voice was steady, but the lack of emotion concerned Nick, as it had for the last few days. He had seen Pappy in a variety of moods, from the excitement of finishing law school and starting his career to the sadness and anger that came when their father was killed, but he had never seen anything like this. The only word that seemed to fit was…numb. Jarrod just seemed numb.

Nick glanced back at Heath, but remained riding next to Jarrod. He absently scratched at his own rough growth of beard while he thought about how to help his older brother. It wasn't often that their roles were reversed like this. Usually it was Jarrod stepping in to help out, offer advice, or just lend an ear when needed. He was after all, Pappy. But this was different. He wasn't really even sure what was wrong with his beloved brother. Was he still mourning his wife, Beth? Was it anger at Cass Hyatt? Or anger at Nick for stopping him from killing Hyatt? Nick had no idea. All he knew is that he had to find a way to help his brother before whatever it was tore Jarrod apart.


	3. Chapter 3

The Ride Home

Part Three

The first rays of dawn were beginning to light the sky when Heath stepped over the fallen log and sat down next to his oldest brother. He held a cup of coffee out to Jarrod without a word. He sipped at his own, content to let the silence of pre-dawn rule. The hillside they sat on faced the east and offered a nice view of a meadow with a small creek lined with scrub oak, though it was still too dark too see much.

"Gonna be a might pretty sunrise," Heath finally said quietly as he watched the soft clouds lining the eastern horizon brighten.

"Yeah," came the soft reply.

Heath tried to remain clam. He hadn't really expected Jarrod to respond, getting his older brother to talk these past few days had been a trial of patience. Not wanting to push his luck too far, he sat quietly, waiting for Jarrod to make the next move. Heath knew if Jarrod was ready, he would initiate the conversation.

He didn't have to wait long.

"Nick still snoring?" Jarrod asked quietly.

Heath hid the smile tugging at his lips by taking another sip of his coffee. "Yep. Sleeping like a baby…bear," he added after a slight hesitation.

"Even in his sleep, he was never able to be quiet," Jarrod mumbled, repeating a statement often made by their mother.

This time, Heath didn't even try to hide smile. For the first time since Beth died, he was seeing a small glimpse of the big brother he knew. He had turned his eyes back to the sunrise when he felt Jarrod's gaze on him and turned back to lock his own blue eyes on those of his brother.

"Heath," Jarrod began, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you got caught up in the middle…of this. I-"

"Jarrod, you have nothing to apologize for," Heath interrupted. He shook his head ruefully. "All these years, you and Nick have been teaching me what it means to be a brother, to be a part of a family…Well, I reckin' I finally got to show you just how much that's meant to me, how much I've learned."

Jarrod didn't respond, other than a slight nod as he looked away.

Heath pushed on, knowing that he still had Jarrod's attention, despite the lack of verbal acknowledgement. "Jarrod, what Nick did, stepping between you and Cass Hyatt-"

"Heath…"

"Just hear me out, Jarrod," Heath said, his eyes pleading for his older brother to listen to him. "I know you wanted to see Hyatt dead, Jarrod. I know it as well as I know that I wanted to kill Matt Bentell at one time." When Jarrod's head snapped back up to look at Heath, he knew that he had his brother's undivided attention. "And I also know that Nick wouldn't let you throw your life away on a desire for revenge any more than you let me throw mine away by killing Bentell. Back then, Jarrod, you knew that if I just took a step back, let the rage I was feeling fade enough that I could think straight again, that I would find my way past the hurt and anger. It was the same with Nick. He just wanted to give you time…time to come back to yourself." Heath shook his head slightly. "Don't be angry with him, Jarrod."

Jarrod's eyes flicked back and forth in thought as he took in what Heath was saying. Finally, he shook his head a little sadly. "I'm not angry at Nick, Heath. I'm not angry at anyone anymore. I…I'm not really sure what I am feeling right now."

"It'll come," Heath said quietly. He had made the point he wanted to make, now he knew the rest was up to Jarrod. He turned back to the view as the rising sun cast pink and orange hues against the low clouds. The meadow was now light enough that he could see a doe and a small fawn cautiously moving toward the creek. He gave Jarrod a slight nudge with his elbow, pointing to the animals in the meadow below. He was pleased when he saw a hint of a smile come over his brother's face.

"If Nick were here right now I bet those two would be heading for the hills," Heath joked.

"Did I hear my name?" Nick's said loudly. Like a shot, the two deer disappeared back into the brush.

Heath gave Jarrod a grin before he shook his head. "Do I know my brother or what?"

"What?" Nick said. "What'd I do?"

"Not a thing, Nick, not a thing." Heath gave Jarrod a pat on the shoulder before he rose to return to camp. "Guess it's my turn to make breakfast," he said as he headed back to camp.

"No beans!" Nick called over his shoulder before he sat down on the log next to Jarrod. He gave his brother a concerned look, but didn't say anything, curious to know if Heath had managed to make any headway with their oldest sibling.

Jarrod didn't speak as he continued to watch the sunrise. Heath's words were swirling in his head and he wanted time to digest what his younger brother had said. Part of him knew that Nick wanted to talk, that they needed to talk, but right now he wasn't sure were to even begin. He absently took a swallow of coffee.

"Should be home in two more days," Nick finally said.

Jarrod nodded. "What day is this?"

Nick thought for a minute. They had left on a Monday and had been traveling for five days. "Friday, I think," he finally said.

Friday, Jarrod thought. Didn't Heath say that the Marshall's from San Francisco would be taking Cass Hyatt back to Stockton on Friday? He felt a coldness threaten to descend over him and he shrugged it off. "Home by Sunday then," he said softly.

Nick watched his brother carefully, mistaking the shrug as a shiver of apprehension. "If that's no good…I mean if you're not ready…we could detour over to Lodi. Stay at the hotel for a few days. It's not The Palace, but it's better than sleeping on the ground."

Jarrod turned questioning eyes onto his brother. They stared at each other for several minutes before Jarrod spoke. "You've been away from the ranch for a long time, Nick. I'm sure you have things waiting for you."

"Nothing that Duke can't handle," Nick said. After a moment's hesitation, he added, "I'm where I need to be right now."

A grateful smile under his scruffy beard was all Jarrod could manage, not trusting his voice. After swallowing the lump that was caught in his throat, he finally said quietly, "Thanks, Nick. But I think it's time we got home, don't you?"

"Whatever you say, Pappy," Nick said. He put a firm hand on Jarrod's shoulder as he rose, leaving his older brother to the solitude of the sunrise. Before he took a step, he heard Jarrod's voice once more.

"Thanks for stepping in, Nick. For stopping me from making a horrible mistake."

Nick gave him a nod, even though his back was to his brother and he wouldn't see it. Feeling lighter than he had felt in days, he returned to camp to help Heath with breakfast.

_BVBVBVBVBV_

Sunday morning found the three brothers back on Barkley land. With luck, they would be back at the main house by mid-day, in time to enjoy one of Silas's Sunday dinners. Unconsciously, the pace picked up at the thought of a home-cooked meal. As Jarrod pulled slightly ahead of Nick and Heath, the two younger siblings shared a look. It was a good sign if Jarrod was anxious to get home. Along with the fact that their oldest brother had finally taken the time to shave before they had departed camp on Saturday, they had hope that Jarrod was beginning to move past the horror of his wife's murder and the subsequent rage.

With a weary smile between them, they gave their horses a little prod to catch up to Jarrod, each taking their place on either side of their brother as they rode for home.


End file.
